The Future of TV

This idea came to me as my wife and I find ourselves in a stereotypical man-woman situation: I'm on the couch watching sports (Braves-Cubs), she's in the bedroom watching some reality show (sounds like something with real housewives). Now before our mothers, or anyone else reading, hits the marriage "panic button", let me explain. I just arrived home from work and am relaxing on the couch while Bri is in our bathroom blow drying her hair after just having taken a shower... and she even just came out to give me a kiss... so there.

Her and I joke often about the vast differences in our television preferences. She claims I watch too much sports. I know that isn't possible since we don't even have the YES network (my life is tough, I know). I tell her she will watch anything where someone can get voted off or people are rushing to bake a cake. As we progress in our marriage I am sure we will learn to find things we can both enjoy. But that got me to thinking: in this consumer driven, results now, I want it my way world, why should we adapt? Why can't our television? Why can't some of the things she enjoys about reality television and some of the things I like about the sports world come together?

Welcome to my purely hypothetical, anything can happen, happy land. This is where I get to make revolutionary changes to some of today's television programming (in the name of my marriage, of course):

1. Whenever there are athletes that are suspected of doping, they should have to go on a special episode of The Maury Povich Show. Just imagine someone like Alex Rodriguez sitting in front of that studio audience. He thought the Bronx crowd was rowdy. Just wait until Maury reads his fate from that little index card: "A-Rod..... you ARE a juicer!"

2. There should be a Champions League Tournament between the stars of the most popular reality shows (for you true blue Americans that aren't familiar with the Champions League, it's a prestigious European soccer tournament including the top teams from the top professional leagues). To decide the winner, all the competitors have to swap roles. For example, all the beer drinking, heater smoking, ship captains from Deadliest Catch get whipped into shape by the trainers from The Biggest Loser. And you thought Kate was mean to Jon? Just wait until he has Gordon Ramsey screaming in his face because he undercooked his risotto.

3. I'm adding another segment to the end of SportsCenter. After the anchors run through the usual "Top 10", they will be promptly followed by "Mary Murphy's Hot Tamale Train" listing off sports' hottest players or teams. "Yes you did! WootWoooooooooot!"

4. Text-voting will add a new spin to MLB on FOX's Saturday broadcast. Voting opens three hours prior to game time and closes with the first pitch. Fans can text in their vote for how many times Tim McCarver gets to reference Bob Gibson's intimidation or dominance during any given telecast. At the point where Tim goes over his limit (top of the third???), Joe Buck is forced to kick him out of the booth.

5. Erin Andrews competes in every season of America's Next Top Model.... and that's that.


So some of my ideas may be a little off base. Some may be very off base. But I do challenge you to save this post so in a few years you can look back and be impressed when all these amazing ideas have come to fruition.

Gotta go now. Barry Zito's making another appearance on The Apprentice. No one knows better than him how to teach these young professionals to scam an organization for major bucks.